We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
