I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
