I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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