People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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