Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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