Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
