y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
