at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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