Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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