I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
