How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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