I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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