Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
