we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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