If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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