I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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