woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
