I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
