i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
