what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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