I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
