she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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