the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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