it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
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Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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