you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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