I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
