You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
