i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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