My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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