I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
