I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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