Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
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Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
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he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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