Small penises have feelings too.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
