Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
