i jhust puked up my retainher.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
