Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
