im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
