I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
