Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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