trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
