swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
