i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
