I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
