We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
