I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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