I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
