so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
