our cab driver is having phone sex.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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