Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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