I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize