TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
