Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
