Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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