i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
40s are totally the cure
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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