I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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