Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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