and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
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Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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