Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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