I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
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there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
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Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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