It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Semen is not good for contacts.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
